saddestiny

2008-05-23T16:08:00.002+08:00

looming clouds of saddest tears
sounds of despair and the deafening silence
heart's so sick and felt like dying
it's hot out there but felt so cold

here's a man of so much sickness
afflicted by the uncontrolled sins
he turns his palms up and seem to be praying
but in fact it's just a stance of loss

a deep silence, a deep darkness
the soul's filled so much of blight
when hope's destroyed
destroyed by the blighted soul itself

as he lays and zonk out there
pulses of past went pounding through
the wooden stare of bloodshot eyes
into voidness, into.. nothingness
rain falls down hard
and tears flow without a sign

2007-12-25T15:44:00.000+08:00

it's Christmas, rejoice!
gatherings of warmth
and fervent joy
meetings with friends of deep strong ties
what love, peace and joy on these days!
fine weather and blessings to all
celebrate the birth of Christ!

2007-12-21T19:41:00.000+08:00

Today is shopping day with my dearie!!!

i was like a santa carrying all the stuff..

no complaints though.. hahaha..

dearie.. love u la..

this is real mushy.. viewers, once u see this, feign ignorance. Thanks.

2007-12-19T20:29:00.000+08:00

I struggled and climbed
out of the cave

i felt i was gonna die
dying from the rot and blight

the dim light shone from nowhere
when i came around
from the dark obsession
a miracle, that's it
and i grabbed hold of it

the struggle became of ease
as hope came back
darkness in me dispersed
as the light carries me through
hope, love and faith.

Thanks.

2007-12-19T20:10:00.000+08:00

Long period of darkness
that negates my life

lose myself
to the ways of old

i've been so blind
my heart's covered
with a callous shell
the darkness just keep growing
swallowing all hope

life goes nose dive
down down down it goes
into the horrid abyss
into the darkness
the darkness which people love and hate

i dwell in such a cave
cold but cosy
fond of the hideous place
for it shields me
and i shield it too

i became a creature
with such dangerous air
hate, anger and depression devours me
slowly i fused..
fused with the cold, dark cave...

2007-08-04T19:07:00.000+08:00

messed up
fucked up
so screwed up inside

i'm so in a mess
stuck in a distress

Distress, i dun even know wad the hell is that
perhaps it's a noise
that keeps ringing inside
perhaps it's a parasite
that chews me inside

ring me, ring me
i'm going insane..
chew me, chew me
eat me, fuck pain..

i dunno wad's the cause
my mental, it's been cost
i just dunno, dunno wad to do..
i'm stuck, so stuck
like stuck in a quicksand
slowly sinking, sinking

buried in mud,
the noise is still ringing,
the parasite still chewing..

2007-06-17T20:20:00.000+08:00

alot of times i may seem indifferent towards u
but well...

i'm not indifferent.. i cared so much..
it's just the numerous limitations..
that they have hid the image of my heart - from you..

I was helpless too..
What i do is just to believe..
and try my best to try to do something... yes, something..
Hanging on to faith is what i've always been doing..

It's like having on-and-off paralysed limbs
I hate it, but i'm trying

2007-06-17T19:42:00.000+08:00

For a long long time, it has been a walk way too messy..

A dark walk.. A fearful walk..

There's no light, but I just carry on walking.. Instead of stopping and wait for the sun to come again..

Thank God.. Light came for me again..

But I realised... I've been walking backwards in those dark days.. I'm back... Back to the starting line..

Let's go now.. For there's the light to guide me the way in front..
Let's focus my sight to the route in front and go towards the finished line..
Along the route which I believe will be filled with trees and rivers, and beauty.

2007-05-10T19:16:00.000+08:00

Orange moon hung low above the waters
the black ocean stretches out endlessly
tapestry of shining stars over head
gentle blowing breeze

how beautifully said?
but the sight is mundane
how numb have we become
to the daily scenic beauty
how inappreciative are we
towards the little things in life - some think it's trivial

take things for granted
cursed to our oblivion
leads to no time are our destruction

Impudence, ignorance;
our lives are blighted
perhaps death
is an escapism of infernal earth

Happy Bday shoe

2007-04-08T05:00:00.000+08:00

Faint rustle of leaves
O how much i grieve
For unabling to accompany you
For your birthday with a beautiful view

I've been dreaming about spending this special day with you
Roses, red wine, candlelight dinner in a cable car view? haha
O how wretched! the dreams can't solidify
And i think of my life been defied

Faint rustle of leaves
as I sit in this garden for peace
To grief about my inability
To make things the way I want it to be

But can't, this failure resounds in my head
So I tried my best to give you these roses of white and red

"I love you so much.. till the ends of earth.."
I hope this voice from my heart will resound to you and to the ends of earth..

2007-03-30T18:15:00.000+08:00

frustrated.. haha..

2007-03-24T15:02:00.000+08:00

fusing of many colours

becoming a beautiful tapestry of the sky

reminding us it's a new day

with new surprises, with a certain tinge of sweetness when it starts

the day breaks for the present which is always there

how often do we savour the present?

and just how often instead that we worry abt yesterdays and tomorrows

when we have enough to care about the present?

the present, the gift which are the seconds which ticks past us

which tells us that God is guiding us through this passage of life

depending on whether u let Him to

2007-03-24T14:34:00.000+08:00

A FLASH OF HAPPENINGS:

towards commissioning

commissioned

gathering of 303

when old fren wijaya was back

went malaysia with moon ending up being drenched

le coup de foudre

amour~

2007-03-17T22:20:00.000+08:00

when i look back at the path i've walked,
it's really surprising that i came from those mountains..

imagine the feeling of looking at the scenary from the mountain i'm standing now..
reminiscent of the people i meet in my life
the kinda tugging feeling in my heart to thank god for bringing me so far
the feeling of after sowing so much blood, sweat and tears

i look at the wounds i have so far..
have i become stronger?
or am i worn out?

2007-03-04T12:53:00.000+08:00

wad i spake
it can't prove anything

could only be judged thru time
then u'll realise

i'm not smoking anyone
i'm not doing anything purposely to gain points

i'm juz doing wad my heart tells me to do

when u know wad i'm revolving ard
u could juz place ur faith on me

2007-02-28T10:29:00.000+08:00

Have faith

Smile more =)

2007-02-25T14:31:00.000+08:00

like never be4
i'm so drowned by this well of love

you invaded my mind, my soul
i closed my eyes and there u are
let me hold you in my dreams
and i'm contented

every daybreak
i awoke from my dreams
thinking
are you well today?
are you troubled?

sometimes i feel like the wind
formless but trying to hold you and carry you
u've had a piece of me
i remain formless unless u accept me

let me sail with you....

2007-02-25T13:47:00.000+08:00

indescribable feeling
when i talked to ya

my heart skipped a beat
when i see ya

u've made me prone
sometimes confused
sometimes afraid

but i noe in love
there's no need to think so much

cuz wad i just need to do
is to love you

2007-01-08T20:59:00.000+08:00

golden sun above the sea horizon
sad, lost shadows dwell on the sea surface

breeze that soothens ur spirit
the cold wind that stung like tentacles

the peace that u feel under the moonlight
the unknown u're afraid of in darkness

the light of the day that we're thankful for
the scorching heat that we scorn of

friends whom make up your life
'friends' whom destroyed your life

wealth that fuels our needs
money which cultures evil

2 sided
2 faced

careful of wad u sow and wad u reap..

2006-11-30T21:13:00.000+08:00

SEDI.... AH!
BLABLABLABLA..... SENJA... TA!

parade training.
sweat.
blisters.
curses.
psychosis: shit coming out from the mouth (crap talk).
lethargy.
fainters.
water parades.
shouts timings.

for pride, for honour.

ppl asked: how much does that worth?

i think it's unmeasurable, undefinable.

9 dec.
coming.. gone.. tears..

2006-11-26T21:42:00.000+08:00

how i waste my life during weekends:

1. eat prata at yassin restaurant (coffee shop)
2. playing pool - shooting fucking balls which is getting boring
3. waste my fucking night roaming around some streets
4. staying at mr moon's house to watch movie
5. splurge my damn cash on delicacies
6. sit in front of my pc, checking mails and browsing through the usual sites be4 i off it
7. be a chimney or a guangong in clubs
8. rot at home when ur account is drying up

Fucking limited things to do... want some adventures man..

2006-11-26T21:32:00.000+08:00

lost in emotions
blind my senses
too immersed in fighting
ignored all rantings
told myself to keep in mind
of the things i know that's from the vine
but i keep getting entwined
in the peripherals of life
that i lost my soul and twarped my mind
i feel so guilty, so out of control
please save me out and end my woe
the beauty of grace as u provideyour arm
when i call for help from evil's harm

ashamed, life seems to cease
please forgive me and fill me with peace

give me wisdom to discern the mysteries of life

2006-11-05T21:22:00.000+08:00

i hold your hand and sway with you
to the music playing a melodious tune
the crowd around us disappears
as we immerse ouselves in the dance of love
another dimension we enter
a world of our own
our eyes reflect only each other
oh please dun leave me alone
but we have to part
and leave it all behind
u took my heart
i hope time will rewind
sorry for not persuing
sorry for ignoring
time is not by my side
i dunno wad's right
teach me how and what to do
for i'm nothing but a dreamer, who dreams of you

2006-09-26T17:54:00.000+08:00

Narration

a brainwashing community
that's what we are in
being mentally induced
on what's right and wrong
or even on fucking fashion statements
we have our own laws
created laws
for the good of some
for the good of some

soldiers go to war
for the country
for the sake of sovereignty of their lands
but what's really behind the scenes?
for the anger of some
for the greed of some
soldiers are merely numbers
numbers subtracted as days of war gone by
civilians in pain which unaffected fuckers are not conscious of

let us not forget the lessons from the past
the torment of war
the destruction it brought due to intolerance
and the absence of love in the hearts of man

2006-09-25T10:50:00.000+08:00

over and over
u realise the same thing
u forgot and remember
u died and live again
a life is made of many lives
dead and alive multiplied by a number

i died at the age of 14 when i accepted my saviour
i died when a dear friend betray my trust
i died when i gave up on myself to go for the one i loved so much
i died when i reaffirmed my faith
i died when i did something despicable
i died when i washed my hands off the things i've constructed
i died when my old friend died
i died when my head is shaved
i died when my love went for another guy
i died when my love distant herself away from me
i died whenever i cried
i died when the dark days gripped me

i believe each person has died a number of times..
after monumental events that happened?
or say any events that can somehow become monumental in each's ways..

wadeva the case, the question is:
will u become more dead or more alive?

2006-08-25T18:23:00.000+08:00

During the Age of Silence, people communicated more, not less. Basic survival demanded that the hands were almost never still, and so it was only during sleep (and sometimes not even then) that people were not saying something or other. No distinction was made between the gestures of language and the gestures of life.

The labor of building a house, say, or preparing a meal was no less an expression than making the sign for I love you or I feel serious. When a hand was used to shield one's face when frightened by a loud noise, something was being said, ...., and even when the hands were at rest. that too, was saying something.

Naturally, there were misunderstandings. There were times when a finger might have been lifted to scratch a nose, and if casual eye contact was made with one's lover just then, the lover might accidentally take it to be a gesture, not at all dissimilar, for Now I realise I was wrong to love you. These mistakes are heartbreaking. And yet because people knew how easily they could happen, because they didn't go around with the illusion that they understood perfectly the things other people said, they were used to interrupting each other to ask if they'd understood correctly.
Sometimes, these misunderstandings are desirable..

Because of he frequency of these mistakes, over time the gesture for asking forgiveness evolved into simplest form. Just to open your palm was to say: Forgive me.

from The History of Love..

2006-08-09T20:09:00.000+08:00

it's been a night
oh man..
i'm not sure if i've shocked ya
i'm not sure of anything
sorry if there's negativity

it's the feelings that guided me

hope u are fine

2006-08-06T21:41:00.000+08:00

why did i feel so aloof
when i have so many companions
which at any time is by my side in spirit

wad's the reason?
i feel so unholy
so empty
purposeless in living

i've actually found this purpose of life
but yet ignored it and forsaken it
that i turned myself blind and deaf again
into darkness where i dwell
dwell blindly, live blindly
like a limp person
i can't move on

and all these things
i searched for the root
the root is myself
in me there is a stirring of negative feelings
feelings without reasons
an induction which meant to poison me
and i din even tried to get out of it
but instead drift with it
and i became so lost

this warfare i'm having inside me
i'm losing
but now i tell you
that i've found the cause
and illuminates my purpose and life
i'll stand up and put up a good fight
and be a victor

no more behind the black veil
no more conceding to this negativity
no more burying my head in my thighs pathetically
reach out for this lamp
the light which fills me up
light which can fill the whole world
that no materials can

all in all
it's to look out from yourself
to God my saviour

2006-08-06T21:29:00.000+08:00

as yet again
i roam around the streets
hoping that the wind can give me some answer
but no

loneliness and boredom
are so intense inside of me
just wanna idle
but the more i idle
the worse i feel

my spirit is weary
or perhaps there's no spirit at all
oh dun forsake me
or perhaps i'm forsaking myself

2006-07-21T22:05:00.000+08:00

i'm juz too lazy to find out wad's wrong with me..
need some time to really spend my quiet time properly..
can somebody juz have the power to look through me at an instance
and tell me wad's up?

a telepathic person? whomever who has a real strong intuition?
and of course an intelligent and wise person to talk to me..
and also a trusty kind..

oh well.. i'm afraid i'm too lazy to talk too.. or perhaps juz short of time?

ya crappy me.. losing myself inside me.. this is some kinda fucked dwelling in some fucked up era or dimension or dream or lalaland or wadeva u call it..

ah.. fuck crap..

2006-07-21T22:02:00.000+08:00

frail, flickering..
blown out, burnout..
light up my candle please..

2006-06-11T14:14:00.000+08:00

pain results from one looking inwards
towards self which is plagued with imperfections
condemnation, weakness floated in my mind
as the devil tried to poison me and have me entwined
that's the veil of darkness which shields away the light
i was lost and everything is not right
with condemnations, comes the manifestations
i smoke, i rebel against myself, into procrastination and destruction
but still God din forsake me
when i turned to him, he offered me his wings
he brought me friends as counsellors to me
to illuminate what i've already knew; that i have a God and the spirit in me
the wisdom that i've had awoke as you called me
and out from myself, i look up
there, the sun is still shining and i awoke from my deep slumber
ya.. he never forsakes me, that's wad i call love

2006-06-11T13:57:00.000+08:00

Nirvana, reincarnation
I've lived many lives
Through these i search for truth
for the life
the life which is utopian, which is true

I've lived a life plaqued by vice
sex, violence, cigarettes, drugs
you name it, i've got it
until finally, i died from it
an ugly life, but a good thing to leave that life

Then a life of problems
which pumped my head
full of troubles, my heart can't bear
family, relationships, personal
the sources of hate, loath, sadness
i died from depression, but a good thing to leave that life

Then a life of hardships
which stretched my limits
so much stress, my head went burst
the toils so bitter that it worn my body
i died from exhaustion, tiredness, stress

now the life i'm living
with lessons learnt from the past
stronger now
after the shits i've gone thru
a life without difficulties is a life without fruit

2006-06-11T13:45:00.000+08:00

I tried to forget
but i just can't do yet
cuz it's too unbearable
love got me into this trouble
trouble with myself
ya.. it's none's fault
it's just my prob

Dreams pursue me
and vice versa
i live in my dreams
and so dead in the world
what makes this world alive?
it's u, the key to my soul
dun avopid me, fo it pains me like hell
dun deny it, cuz we fell in before

into the well of love
and it's so dark inside
wonder if you're still inside
or you've got out and left me there

don't, baby don't
you're my everything
i shan't remain silent and i'm gonna call out
extend your wings, my angel
and save me out

2006-05-06T14:21:00.000+08:00

so cooped up inside
ahh.. fuck it..
get a box of cigarettes and smoke my way through
screen away the troubles
numbify my senses
self-destruction, that's wad i've done
cupid's poison is real vicious
i'm losing control
losing my senses
self-inflicted depression
and into procrastination

smoke and numbify myself
this numbification is temporal though
ah fuck it so wad's the point?
ya, smoked 8 straight so wad's the feeling like?
dun feel better man..
only more light headed each time
getting more numb after each too
so wad's the point in smoking?
no point at all man.. no point..
so stop man..
ya i've stopped..

sorry

2006-03-19T19:19:00.000+08:00

can the time stop for a while?
or slow down..

let me enjoy more time with u..

2006-03-16T09:12:00.000+08:00

u noe the time when u gave me that?

broken..
the thread is broken..

wad does it mean?
means it's all over?

seems like it..
it's now a fullstop.

2006-03-14T17:10:00.000+08:00

I think my blog is dead... haha.. it's been a long time since i update it..

kkz.. first and foremost, I've passed out from BMTC!! and yup, to serve as a living testimonial to all those recruits going in sooner or later... Bronco is a damn great company man.. haha.. hope u guys have the chance to get in there, and enjoy the life there in the warrant company..

Oh well.. so now i'm having my block leave till 19th Mar.. My posting results will be on 17th Mar.. Hopefully i wun get into those kinda sux units man.. Faggot units are a strong NONO...

all right.. looks like ppl have been running here and there busying themselves with their applications into universities.. it's sure hell irritating and time consuming having to type in all those essays or wadeva..

U noe when i typed in all the essays into the nus application form and clicked 'submit', the screen juz said i was over the time limit required to fill in the form.. imagine the frustration man!!!!!! it's like agony... [agony of having ur balls sliding down a blade from the top storey of the building] copyright from my OC.. hahaha.. ya.. and i had to redo every damn thing with bloody irritation....

I think i've been damn lazy.. I haven really commit my time in sorting out my army stuffs.. like cleaning my helmet (u have no idea how smelly tt is man..), sorting out my room with all the army stuffs sprawled over the table, cleaning my SBO too(there are still newspapers inside used for the POP to give it a square look).. haha.. I'm damn lazy man..

ya.. have been out for the past few days except today.. cuz i decided to be a good boy.. no lahx.. reasons: I was tired from gym yesterday, dun wanna spend money, try to read some stuffs (dun think it's fruitful though..)

oh man.. i'm suffering from some couch potato disease and severe brain stagnation.. u noe the kinda feeling of not wanting to do anything but to just enjoy urself with something like movies, food, or just anything that u find enjoyable ya?

someone save me man..

Where is the love?

2006-02-25T12:35:00.000+08:00

Where is the love?

What's wrong with the world mama?
People living like aint got no mamas
I think the whole worlds addicted to the drama
Only attracted to the things that bring you trauma
Overseas yeah we tryin to stop terrorism
But we still got terrorists here livin
In the USA the big CIA the Bloodz and the Crips and the KKK
But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And if you hatin you're bound to get irate
Yeah madness is what you demonstrate
And that's exactly how anger works and operates
You gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love y'all

People killing people dying
Children hurtin you hear them crying
Can you practice what you preach
Would you turn the other cheek?
Father Father Father help us
Send some guidance from above
Cause people got me got me questioning
Where is the love?(where is the lovex3)(the love2x)

It just ain't the same all ways have changed
New days are strange is the world the insane?
If love and peace so strong
Why are there pieces of love that don't belong
Nations dropping bombs
Chemical gases filling lungs of little ones
With ongoing suffering
As the youth die young
So ask yourself is the loving really strong?
So I can ask myself really what is going wrong
With this world that we living in
People keep on giving in
Makin wrong decisions
Only visions of them livin and
Not respecting each other
Deny thy brother
The wars' going on but the reasons' undercover
The truth is kept secret
Swept under the rug
If you never know truth
Then you never know love
Where's the love y'all?(I don't know)
Where's the truth y'all?(I don't know)
Where's the love y'all?

People killing people dying Children hurtin you hear them crying
Can practice what you preach
Would you turn the other cheek?
Father father father help us
Send some guidance from above
Cause people got me got me questioning
Where is the love?(where is the lovex3)(the lovex2)

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I'm getting older y'all people get colder
Most of us only care about money makin
Selfishness got us followin the wrong direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting their young minds faster than bacteria
Kids wanna act like what the see in the cinema
Whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness and equality
Instead of spreading love, we're spreading anomosity
Lack of understanding, leading us away from unity
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feeling under
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feeling down
It's no wonder why sometimes I'm feeling under
I gotta keep my faith alive, until love is found

People killing people dying
Children hurtin you hear them crying
Can you practice what you preach
Would you turn the other cheek?
Father Father Father help us
Send some guidance from above
Cause people got me got me questioning Where is the love?(fade)

life in the army..

2006-02-25T11:43:00.000+08:00

Life in the Army..

Have got to know some good buddies in army too.. but not in my section.. can't relly click well with them man.. except for one or two.. the good frens i know are all from other sections in my platoon.. my platoon is damn interesting.. interesting in the way that there're alot of weird individuals around.. more than the other platoons man.. makes life abit more difficult.. haha..

yup.. like wad my PC and OC always say: 'all of us come from different walks of life.. learn to live with each other.. dun ostracize them..'

yup, that's a saying that tells us how we should live our lives and in relation to people.. and that's when the message of love applies..

my fav equation:
God is love;
our lives are centred around God;
and therefore, our lives are centred around love too..

roger?

Mark 12:29-31
"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this:' Hear me O Isreal, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbour as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."

and then another in 1cor 13:4-7, it defines to u wad's love..
'Love is patient; love is kind. It does not envy; it does not boast; it is not proud; It is not rude; it is not self-seeking; it is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.'

tt's a real lotsa things abt love.. and it sure seems impossible if u think abt it.. notice i use the word 'seems'.. hahaa.. and so it's actually possible, by the spirit of God..

imagine wad will happen to the world if everybody noes the true meaning of love.. and noes also how to act in love everyday in life.. it will be a beautiful world man..

i dun think i'm gonna explain further on love man.. it's really alot to say.. and u should get wad i mean by now ya?

Happenings in army

2006-02-25T11:18:00.000+08:00

Happenings in Army..

It's been a real real real real long time since i had an entry..

last week, i intended to update it.. but unfortunately... after typing a few hundred words, my comp played me out.. the whole bloody window of this blogger.com was closed for no reason... haha.. too bad man.. and now i have to write all abt the things that happen in the past few weeks.. lotsa things..

oh well.. shan't be so descriptive..

basically, i've gone thru
live range,
grenade assault course (GAC),
IPPT (fitness test),
field camp
and
SIT test (kinda army test in the outfield).

i'm now left with
Basic Assault Course (BAC)
and
Standard Obstacle Course (SOC).

Life so far has been quite ok.. Coping quite well and learnt a number of things..
A navy recruitment officer joked about the difference in serving in army and navy.. he said that in navy u get to study alot of things and u dun need to wear SBO and helmet.. dun need to dig trench and wadeva.. whereas in army, all u have in the head at the end of the day is vulgarities and trench digging.. haha..

2006-01-30T16:50:00.000+08:00

walking alone
around town
finding a quiet spot
to think...
looks like i'm the only lone roamer today man

feels good
my soul had some rest
refreshed

i'm real thirsty for wisdom

2006-01-30T08:34:00.000+08:00

you are the wind
who blow all the dark clouds away
u are the light
who shines thru the darkness in me
your word feeds me
u open my eyes when all seem so dim and hopeless
u turn my eyes towards u
and all the pain disappear
thanks man..
i needed tt message

all things happen for a purpose..

2006-01-29T12:30:00.000+08:00

dark clouds
rainy days
no sun
no life

tt's my world..
as i dwell in the darkness
bearing the fruits of miseries
messed up, no peace

i roam ard the city
wasting my days like tt is such a pity
ya, i'm pathetic
so? oh well.. i dun care, freak..

get it off man..
shake the shits off
help me, big guy..

2006-01-28T12:01:00.000+08:00

i dunno dunno DUNNO!!!
wad the shit is happening man!!!!
my sis fainted this morn and now there's some prob btw my dad and mum..

wad's up man?

can't ppl keep their cool?

2006-01-22T15:53:00.000+08:00

all right man..
the honeymoon period in army is over when i get back to camp this evening.. haha.. reporting 1945 at pasir ris interchange..

well well.. things are going fine.. and i'm actually quite fine too..

too bad i'm not super fine..
haha.. well..
cuz i'm not living
i guess..
think my bloody vulgarity usage is coming back.. hahaa..
cuz u noe.. everybody is like using it.. call it peer pressure? wahahhaa..

tt's the prob u noe..
u go in and ur life is army life
not 'the life'
and i'm not aware enuf of myself
live by the flesh
joke man

oh well..
always the prob of humans
we noe wad's the right thing to do
we noe how we shld live
but the prob is we are not aware of it enuf
ignorance u noe.. ignorance is the thing tt plague this world

tt's really damn sad.. but well.. in him, we shld be optimistic..
for there's hope

2006-01-06T18:48:00.000+08:00

well well.. i'm going into army life tmr man.. so wad shall i say?

haha.. in fact, i'm not very excited abt it.. i think not even a tinge of excitement? i shld say i only have a feeling of err... juz anticipation and preparation.. perhaps it's becuz i've long been mentally prepared.. the only prob is, i dun think i'm physically prepared! haha.. cuz i still feel abit heaty and my ankle is still abit stiff.. oh well.. but god will take care of tt..amen for tt man.. haha..

i've got one super young junior who msged me to ask me to take care man.. haha.. i replied him to take care too.. he's juz err.. turning 14 this year? haha.. real young.. then he told me:"hope it wun be too horrible.." hahaha.. so i replied him the crux of the below paragraph..

i think horrible anot? it all depends on the mind.. how u set ur mind will determine how u view things ya? and so... maintaining a positive mindset in wadeva u do would be good man.. anyway, wadeva the case, there really isn't anything to worry abt.. stress comes from fear.. and the manifestations of these may affect u physically man.. so... worry for WAD? god's grace is more than sufficient, amen? so ya.. like wad all ppl say.. 'it's all in the mind..' hahaha.. for me.. it's abit of change in my philosophy.. 'it's all by the spirit' is my substitution for tt quote.. haha

looking back at my life.. i think it's real interesting.. thank god tt i knew him halfway man.. or else i really wun noe where i'll wander for the rest of my life.. haha.. lotsa shits i've gone thru, but well.. these shits sure help me grow alot.. haha.. u shld imagine me as a plant absorbing the nutrients from the shits.. cool man.. juz wanna thank god for everything man..

hmm.. i think tt's enuf shits i've written? oh well ppl.. i juz wanna tell u guys this: 'LIVE A LIFE MAN!!!'

how do u live it? haha.. tt's for u to find out.. Note: there's only one TRUTH!

2006-01-03T08:56:00.000+08:00

the future is so uncertain
live or die tmr.. i dunno
tt's y, live as if u'll die tmr

u, i cherish so much
tt i can't bear to part
ur beautiful eyes
ever-sweet smile
i remember every trace of ur face
as i always meet u there so frequently
but as every dawn comes, u'll leave me
the part of the jigsaw of my life
i'm dreaming as if i'll live forever

friends,
all of whom bring different lights to my life
a colourful life..
zillion thanks for being part of my life
u're a group of ppl tt god has richly blessed me with
brothers and sisters, all are to me
the blood buddies.. i'll never forget
we've gone thru thick and thin together
all shits and obstacles, we've overcome
those times.. are deeply etched in my heart

dun live in ignorance
tt's so part of the world
live with love..

2006-01-02T09:55:00.000+08:00

oh man.. u noe wad?!?!?!??

i sprained my ankle on new yr's eve morning while i'm playing bball!! haha.. and tt's real bad... hopefully it will heal in a few days time and i'll be fit again.. or else i'll be out of course and become clerk or something... whoa.. tt's really sad man.. but oh well.. i'm seeing wad'll be in store for me man..

i spent my new yr's eve in my church for countdown.. not bad too.. cuz the sermon was quite good and i can get to relate to my cell leader on some stuffs too.. haha.. quite a fruitful day.. perhaps it's destined tt i got a sprain and juz have to go to church to countdown instead of going to the parties.. hahaha.. we shld learn how to look at things beyond the surface ya?

oh well.. it's gonna be another happening day today.. gotta go and have steamboat with alot of sas frens.. and in the evening, gotta go out with some sajc frens.. haha.. hope my ankle can take it.. oh well.. god will take care of me man... haha..

peace in the hearts peeps..

2005-12-30T10:34:00.000+08:00

how cool alcohol is ya?
it juz drown u..
unwind u and let ur whole damn self float
u feel like a balloon going higher and higher
into cloud nine
no troubles, no worries
really?

but well.. i can't forget u..
i lay there dazed
in my head, it's ur face
ah freak.. time's up, and i gotta go
back home, i puked and cursed
cursed about life, cursed about everything
cursed myself
after all the shits, i stagger to my bed
eyes closed and then i'm in dreamland
u're there too.. my goodness..
u held my hand, and u looked gently into my eyes..
ur beautiful lips moved and started to speak...

'Disgusting shit!!! U reeked of bloody alcohol and ur shirt has so much puke stains!! PISS OFF man!!!'

she turns red and swell like a real fat lady with a sinister face! aaaahhh!!!

looks like alcohol ain't so cool ya... hahahahaahahahaahaa..

2005-12-27T11:59:00.000+08:00

oh well.. went to the new sajc site this morning man.. tt site was where the old SAS site stood..

haha.. reliving memories..

can't believe tt when i'm strolling ard the new site, i have a feeling of wanting to go back to the past.. give me a time portal man!! hahaha..

WHAT A BIG CHANGE!! no more quadrangle, no more big fields.. no more 'feeling', the feeling of being at home in SAS.. I still remember the times i marched with my fellow buddies, doing pushups on the bloody hot road, and assembling around the quadrangle for morning sharing.. this was the home for the old saints..

haha.. the most memorable times in that site was probably the Knight's Meeting of sjab. It's the day where all of us members, play all sorts of physical games throughout the whole night till next morning.. there's this one knight's meeting when one of my best buddies, teck ching, trip and fell and fractured his arm.. real happening man.. haha.. then when i was sec 2, i think... we were playing this game we ALWAYS play at night, called Dracula.. it's a kind of catching game.. and we hide all over the school.. i remembered i climbed together with a few other guys on the chapel into a small space where the air-con is.. exciting man.. but in the end, one of the guys is the Dracula!!! freak.. wasted man.. throughout the whole game, it's like wrestling.. cuz u need to really 'capture' the guy... then one guy kana knocked on the bench and suffered abit of a head injury.. haha.. u can see how violent ppl in the sas can get..

other unforgettable memories are the times when we celebrate promotions and bdays.. the bashing was really crazy.. i kana one of the worst!!! kana poured drinks and cakes on me, like shit like tt.. and so many ppl were chasing me as though i've stolen 10 million bucks.. wrestle me onto the ground, and pulled me across 2 bloody fields!!!! my back was like full of scratches.. then being threw into the pond... and then pushed into the toilet and be whacked.. those damn times.. hahaha.. i wonder how many fishes have been killed.. and the training camps we had there.. and the orientation camps me and some buddies held for the new sec1s.. we were called the AFGM.. stands for 'a few good men'.. hahaha.. kinda student council thingy.. and remembering how we strive so hard to win the first aid competitions and to groom our juniors to carry on the winning.. reap wad u have sown man.. haha.. tough times, happy times..

that's why we say.. the only thing constant in life is change..

2005-12-25T12:38:00.000+08:00

I'm so totally shagged now... and i'm gonna sleep..

well.. be4 i go, i shall write a brief entry on the happenings of christmas..

yest morning, played bball..
went home, showered and rushed to Light of Christ Church
received a santa hat from yiz..
met up with alan there..
and with a former sec 1 i knew as i was his camp instructor.. wahahaha
then went back home.. get my things and off i went to harbour front to meet my buddies..
bought chips and drinks..
i bought some cookies from the choco stall at hbf too..
and i joked with all the sales peeps there!?!?
went to sentosa and chill with weichong, enoch, jerome, danny..
waited for teckching and her gf there
played some forfeit games..
real joke...
i din suggest to drink beer this time, surprisingly, ENOCH wanna drink!?
so we bought a jug and played zongjimima.. gotta finish an amount at one go.. haha
weichong kana the most times
then we decide to find a new place to settle down..
i led the trek in search of the scary place in sentosa..
and we roam and roam, in the end we ended up in the shangrila hotel!!!
the toilet is sosososo nice!!!
sweet aroma.. everything is nice!! i dun mind staying in there.. hahaha
then we loiter by the pool side and settle there for a while to play bridge..
rain comes and we move to the lobby area
crap till eyelids become heavy..
board the bus back to mainland on seven something
went for my church's service at paya lebar methodist church
got gifts from my boss, cell leader..
then back home.. finally..

ok.. sleepin now.. have a blessed christmas mate..

2005-12-24T09:43:00.000+08:00

Rosy's Miracle by Nancy Jo Sullivan

(A little story for all of u guys on Christmas.. haha.. enjoy..)

Israel. The shiny black letters were set against the bright yellow background of the brochure. It was posted prominently on the bulletin board in Rosy's college cafeteria. With a backpack flung over her shoulder, Rosy scanned the posted ad as she drank coffee from the styrofoam cup. "Come travel with us... Come see the Holy Land," the flyer said. Memories from her childhood come to mind.

She remembered sitting with her family at church when she was ten years old, the pastor showing slides of Israel. Enchanted, she memorized each sacred place: the rough terrain of the Jordan River, the aqua blue of the Mediterranean Sea, the white stones that framed the tomb of Jesus.

"Please Lord.. let me see Israel someday," she had prayed.

The memory quickly fadedd as the bell for her next class rang. Jotting down the phone number on the brochure, she rushed off to a lecture.

Later that night in her dorm room as she was unable to concentrate on her studies, she held the phone number in her hand. She wanted to call but she knew an international trip was not in her budget. Finances were tight in her family. She was working her way through school, subsidizing financial aid with meager waitress salary.

She picked up the phone anyway. "It won't hurt to call," she told herself.

A youth pastor answered. He was happy to share the Israel itinerary.

"How much will the trip cost?" she asked.

"A thousand dollars," the pastor replied.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I can't afford it."

"I won't be needing payment until July 1. That will give you three months," he said kindly.

The pastor seemed to sense her disappointment. "Maybe God wants to work a miracle for you. Why don't you pray about it?" he said.

"A miracle," Rosy muttered as she hung up the phone.

She had never thought of asking God for something as big as a miracle.

Her daily prayers had always been generic: "Lord, bless my family.. protect my friends.. help me with this exam..."

How could she ask God for a thousand dollars? God needed to tend to those whose needs were greater than hers - the poor, the lonely, the starving of the world.

She crumpled the phone number and threw it in the wastebasket.

For hours she tried to distract herself with homework, but she kept hearing the pastor's words: Why don't you pray about it?

Soon she was on her knees, her head bowed, her hands folded: "Lord, I'm sorry for asking for so much. I know you are busy answering more urgent prayers," she began, "but I'd like to go to Israel."

As weeks passed, Rosy prayed every night that God would provide a way for her to finance the trip. Though her intercessions were heartfelt, she always apologized for her request.

"Lord, I know this is a lot to ask," she would pray.

The first day of July arrived. Rosy woke up early just as the sun was rising. She was staying at a girlfriend's house in a private room decorated with white linens and a silver wall cross.

Rosy lingered in bed for a while. " It's the last day to turn in the money," she told herself.

A Bible lay close to her bedside. She opened it and began reading a passage from the book of Ezekiel: "I am going to send you to the nation of Israel," the verse proclaimed.

Could the words be meant for her? Rosy closed her eyes. "Lord, give me faith to believe that You can still work a miracle."

Minutes later, her friend knocked on the door. "Let's go out to breakfast," she suggested.

As the two of them drove to a restaurant, her friend pulled into the driveway of a steepled church. "I'll be right back; I've got to drop something off," she told Rosy.

As Rosy waited in the car, she looked toward the garage of the church restory. Inside, she saw a tall man in a flannel shirt. He was fixing a bicycle. She recognised him. He had often ridden past her college, and they had waved to each other many times.

Leaving the car, she walked toward the garage and exchanged a small talk with the man, His name was Lenny, and he was a seminarian. He wanted to be a pastor and was living at the shurch for a year.

His commitment to God had compelled him to live a life of simplicity. He had pared down his possessions, giving his car to a homeless man. He dreamed of serving the poor in a third world country.

"God gives generously so we in turn can do the same," he told Rosy as he oiled the chain of his bike.

Rosy grew quiet.

His simple lifestyle seemed to contradict her fervent prayers for a thousand dollars. Was she wrong in asking God for so much?

"So what are your plans for the rest of the summer?" Lenny asked.

"I think... I'm.... going to Israel," Rosy said.

She told him how she had always hoped to see the Holy Land.

"There's a trip scheduled for August. I can't afford it but I've been praying for a miracle," she said.

Lenny gave the tire on his bike a test twirl. "How much do you need?" he asked.

"A thousand dollars," she said.

"You have been praying that God would answer a prayer of yours, and I've been praying that God would answer a prayer of mine."

He explained that he had recently inherited a large sum of money and that he'd been praying that God would show him what to do with it.

"But last week," he grinned, "I received an additional inheritance of a thousand dollars. Ever since, I've been asking God who it's for."

At first, Rosy didn't understand what he was saying.

"That person is you," Lenny said.

"Me?"

He nodded. "You!"

Minutes later, Lenny handed her a on thousand dollars check dated July 1.

"How should I repay you?" she asked.

Lenny wasn't at all concerned. "Pay it back to someone who needs it more than I do," he said.

So that August, Rosy went to Israel. She hiked along the rocks of the Jordan River, she swam in the cool aqua blue waters of the Mediterranian Sea, and she smelled the fragrant roses that framed the garden tomb of Jesus.

As she trod the homeland of God, she couldn't stop thinking about Lenny's generosity. By sharing an unconditional gift, Lenny had displayed the love of a gracious God who gives without measure or limits. It was a brand of giving that she would model for a lifetime.

Twenty years later, Rosy hasn't forgotten her commitment. Now a wife and mother, she spends her free time working with the poor, encouraging the lonely, and caring for the handicapped.

And whenever she hears of a financial need, she writes out a check, sending it off without a return address.

As she drops the anonymous gift in the mailbox, she remembers the words of Lenny, now a missionary to the poor of the third world. God gives generously so we can do the same.

Beautiful story, isn't it?

2005-12-23T11:40:00.000+08:00

last night was quite fun..

had an early christmas celebration with a number of cells together at jac's place.. sounds like jack's place yea? haha.. our cell was organising it, cuz we are the eldest cell... hahaha

there're so much food man.. roast chicken, roast duck, mash potato, tom yam soup, fried nuggets and popcorn chicken (me, my fren and jac fried them), log cake, fried bee hoon, pineapple rice and pizza..

while the younger kids were playing games.. me and jerome were eating.. hahhaa.. cuz we were frying while the kids were eating.. so well.. i was eating continuously.. think i ate the most.. too much leftover le.. hahaha..

then the kids were playing passing the parcel game ya? so me and jerome use our special ability to concoct a drink for the forfeit.. hahahah.. the vomiting drink!!! of course, we tested it first be4 giving it to them lahx.. in case they cannot take it.. hahaha.. oh well... tt's quite a success in making them irked with disgust man.. hahaha..

well well... really thank God tt the party was a success!!!

2005-12-23T11:11:00.000+08:00

oh well.. looks like i'll have to write 5 weird/ random thigs abt myself to play brandon's 'funny' game.. give u abit of face lahx huh.. hahaha.. but i'll not pass this game to other ppl.. oh well.. here goes..

1. I like to roam around Singapore by myself sometimes and then stone at one nice place such as a beach.. i'll bring my notebook with me and write some shits in it.. haha

2. I have frequent dreams abt myself smoking endlessly.. and i felt really happy smoking in my dreams... tt's super duper weird...

3. I think alot about life..

4. I hate wearing boxers and i hate making myself look decent and good..

5. i'm interested in the universe and the stars.. ya.. i love looking at the stars..

2005-12-21T18:41:00.000+08:00

how alike are we??????
wahahahahahhaa...

2005-12-21T09:31:00.000+08:00

i'm like every other teen
hang out, talk shit, play bball, roam the streets, normal as it seems
i smile the same kinda smile

as nothing makes me happy then and now
jokes only make me ticklish
there's nothing for me to relish
deep inside me, there's a monster
it eats my insides and i become hollow and empty.. tt's a sucker..
they dunno the things tt i've gone thru
parents divorced, severe depression, living on scrapes, never full..
i'm not a whole
in me, there's a hole

i refuse to share my probs
cover my heart with an impenetrable shield
it becomes hard, wrung, difficult to be healed
cuz i'm afraid of rejection
wad happens when my frens noe abt all these
sometimes i wonder whether they are really frens
frens won't condemn me right?
i dunno.. dunno.. DUNNO!!!
i'm not a whole
in me, there's a hole

i feel so insecure
drugs, alcohol, smoking... i'm lured
actually, nothing of all these can make me feel better
well.. one good thing is that it makes my life shorter
i feel so damn screwed
i blame every single shit on this world
i'm not a whole
in me, there's a hole

'hey buddy, i'm here to help
call on me
give me ur heart
open it up
let it be vulnerable
it'll then soften
i'll then fill the hole
with love
and u'll be whole
cast to me, ur sorrows and worries
and i'll give u peace and joy in exchange
ask for the things u want
and i shall give u
let me be in u
let me look after u..'

2005-12-20T11:30:00.000+08:00

oh man.. I have a bad sore throat, and my body is aching like shit.. it's all due to insufficient sleep, 1 big bottle of carlsberg, good fried hawker food and gym...

cheers ppl..

ok.. well.. met up with some of my classmates on sunday to have dinner and play pool.. the food at the esplanade hawker center sure rock my socks man.. after that, we went to the rooftop terrace with all our alcoholic drinks.. sit in a circle and talk abt ouselves.. I must say that tt's a meaningul gathering when all of us share some parts of our lives and also about the meaning of life.. we were planning to talk abt each person going clockwise in a circle, but there's not enuf time!!! haha.. so we only managed to talk abt gilbert.. but still, it's still enriching.. cuz gilbert is a wise guy man.. yup.. basically shared with each other abt life..

yup... then went to pony's place to watch soccer.. Arsenal versus Chelsea.. what a disappointing match!!!!!!!!!!!! Score was 2-0, Chelsea won..... aaaahhhh... went to the new sajc campus the next morning.. not bad.. quite nice.. especially the gallery area.. then went gym and bust my butts off in it.. haha.. played pool in the evening with my friend at the newly opened pool center at my house downstairs.. not bad.. then ate prata at boon keng..

wow.. eventful days..

Along the Path

2005-12-18T10:23:00.000+08:00

A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on an end of a pole, which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years, this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments.. perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection and miserable that it was able to accomplish half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you."

"Why?" asked the water bearer. "What are you ashamed of?"

"I have been able for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack on my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all these work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.

The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path."

Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wildflowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again, the pot apologized to the bearer for its failure.

The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seedds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are. he would not have had this beauty to grace his house."

Each of us has our unique flaws. But if we still allow it, the Lord will use our flaws to grace His Father's table. In God's great economy, nothing goes to waste. Don't be afraid of your flaws. Acknowledge them, and you too can be the cause of beauty. Know that in our weakness we find our strength.

Author: Unknown

2005-12-17T18:38:00.000+08:00

oh well... this week is 'Camp Week' for me..

went to camp at labrador adventure center and then in the school for Fitness Retreat..

really an eventful week..

i learnt bridge and is quite obsessed by it..
went to New Creation Church for service on thurs evening..
ate for the first time at sizzler.. (not very nice though..)
was jacking eric the whole time..
played bball
did gym
manage to scare a group while playing something like hide and seek at labrador... i was covered with poncho and creep ppl out with caimin.. hahahhaa..
took lotsa photos with frens and juniors, mr lim and ms lee
made garlic bread and stink our breaths...

oh well.. great week! gonna go for service now! byez ppl..

2005-12-15T10:48:00.000+08:00

i wanna live in those houses behind tt tree man.. the beautiful green and large grounds ideal for stargazing.. woohoo..

2005-12-14T20:31:00.000+08:00

oh man.. i juz came back from camp..

haha.. the camp is actually quite fun.. as usual, there's the trek which will sort of drain our souls... haha..

Eric and i had walked the trek for the 3rd time!! and huihan the 4th time!! omg.. we, the old birds, still like to chiong ya? reliving the memories..

oh well.. took some photos with huihan last week when we recce on our own to find a short cut from the school to kent ridge.. and we accidentally bashed thru an out-of-bounds area!! tt's the National Parks' Nursery.. Luckily, we weren't in any hot shit, the person juz let us off.. haha..
let's see the pics, shall we?

starting from sajc..
oh man.. are we gonna miss this place?

the nursery we infiltrated...

finally at kent ridge.. huihan is really not happy abt all these.. he wanna conquer this damn trek... hahaha.. he's the tough guy..

these are all the obscene pics..

guess who's he talking to?? hahaha..

huihan is damn cool.. pen spinning sia..

oh well... tt's all folks..

2005-12-12T16:48:00.000+08:00

the sun starts its descend beneath the ocean
the sky is everchanging, indicating the many colours of life
blue to orange, to pink, to violet..
darkness finally prevails
i like the darkness
it gives me a sense of tranquility and security
perhaps a false sense of it

i sat by the beach and embrace the wind
the smell of the sea invigorate my senses
the drawing of the black curtain before me
seems to tell me a story about life
the breeze is sometimes so cold
that it sting my face like formless tentacles

i came here to enjoy some silence
sickening it is to have some rascals around me
which spoil the melody of nature and still
but as the black curtain is drawn
the noise finally sibsides
i wonder the magical powers of the night
which can bring both peace and fear

i finally finished my book
and look up at the sky to see the twinkling lights
my mind wander as i lay on my back to immerse in the beauty of creations
starry eyed, i see increasingly more lights pop out of the dark
i juz keep sinking and sinking into the beauty of darkness

the varsity of the universe is beyond imagination
human wisdom is so shallow to understand the creations
great is Him for his creations
for His wisdom surpasses all
i'm so awed

how insignificant i am
how humble i am before the heavens
how true it is that i'm equivalent to dust

i'm so very weak
and my wisdom is so very shallow
but i know, there's someone i can depend on
through him, all things are possible
though i'm weak, but in Him i'm strong
my worries are no more, for there is peace in me

true love cast away all fear..

2005-12-11T21:01:00.000+08:00

oh my god.. i'm feeling very 'tortoise' rite now..

my new blog skin!!!!!!

2005-12-11T10:47:00.000+08:00

i'm home alone today!!! as the rest of my family went malaysia for my cousin's wedding..

oh man.. i'm so bored.. hafta boil water myself and wadeva.. wad's got onto me man???? i feel like doing housework? wad the...........

ok man.. i shall do a proper housework today.. so as to bring order back to my room and my computer desk.. havent savage the damage that the 'hurricane' brought into my room since ermx.. 4 months ago? oh man.. that's really slow reconstructuring..

if i still dun act, i think it'll juz stay as a sort of thrash dump? ya.. wad am i waiting for? for the sky to drop? hahaha.. i'm totally crapified today!!

all right then.. no more NATO ya? (No Action, Talk Only).. good bye, as i start my 'Hurricane Alevels' clearing project..

omg.. i'm a damn lame shit..

2005-12-10T22:19:00.000+08:00

oh man.. hike today for 20 over km in the morning since 0800..

my bag was like so BIG.. seems like carrying a reaaallllyyy heavy-duty bomb.. carried so many bottles.. so damn heavy man..

i think the bag straps are like gonna stink big time..

walked for ard 7 hours plus.. u can imagine the pain on ur trapezius(shoulders) man.. ache like the sensation of squishing balls.. arrgghh..

and the sun.. woohoo.. my skin is so red as though i'm a cooked crab..

i feel like a terrorist surveying singapore during the whole hike.. hahaha..
gain good experience in this kinda hikes with heavy load.. cuz it's like i'm having island life real soon? haha..

despite the adverse effects of the hike..
i enjoyed it very much.. cuz of the company of frens, who created so many colourful conversations.. hahaha.. i sort of like the physical pain too.. sweat it out..

oh man.. my butt muscles hurt...

2005-12-09T19:18:00.000+08:00

DUN DUN DUN LEMME SEE TT SHIT PIC AGAIN!!!!!

my heart is like being plunged thru by a sword, and then roughly pulled out again..

OUCH!

2005-12-09T10:49:00.000+08:00

all right..
i'm gonna remain as it is now..
wad emptiness?
nahx... it's all in the head man
nothing can fill me as much as god himself
unveiling the mystery of life..
tt's wad i'm gonna do man..
and so i understand

pro-life.. ppl..

2005-12-07T08:40:00.000+08:00

finally had a full rest after clubbing at indochine
ppl... i'm not drunk all right..
haha.. juz tt the amt of shits i'm drinking make me feel abit floaty

tt day is really fun!
embracing every fren i met
met alot of old frens too..
oh man... i'm so gonna miss all of u!

yup.. take care ppl.. all of u are part of my life
cherish u guys man..
cheers

2005-12-04T09:28:00.000+08:00

stay cool
wad's there to worry?
perfect love casts away all fear
so seek it
understand it
and u'll be cool

point of reference:
1John 4:18-19

2005-12-03T09:24:00.000+08:00

the day passed with the mark of dawn
shades of orange, green and purple colour the sky
then the black curtain is drawn across it
twinkling lights decorate it
as i stare at the innumerable stars
a constellation of u appears before me
i have so much to tell u
so much to share with u
unknowingly, i talk to the stars
oh man.. i think i'm abit moonstruck
i'm juz a plain old silly dreamer

2005-12-02T09:43:00.000+08:00

will u let me carry ya?
let me share ur pain,
ur joy,
ur sorrow,
ur life?

2005-12-01T08:11:00.000+08:00

so bored...
i've been reading alot
and when i'm not doing anything
i'll be thinking
my mind wun rest
and i'm opening my eyes to see things beyond..
yawnz..

2005-11-30T16:08:00.000+08:00

when i wait
when i see u leave
i felt as if an arrow has peirced thru my heart

2005-11-28T10:38:00.000+08:00

hmm.. went to malaysia for my cousin's(my mum's side) wedding recently
really fun man.. thot the wedding will be quite sianz.. but i was wrong!
haha.. of course different from singapore type one lahx...
in malaysia, wedding dinners are like so happening!
everybody is like chatting and laughing
there are uncountables 'yum seng'
ppl going ard table to chat...
wad a boisterious bunch!

met alot of my uncles and aunties(mum's side)
tot some of them will not come..
cuz apparently, some of them are having conflicts
ya.. my family actually haven had any contact with them for quite a long time
anyway, i still talk to all my uncles and aunties..
they're not my enemies anyway
i dun like to make enemies too
hahaha

during my stay in malaysia, it's really like food fiesta!
every meal is great!
singapore's food has no fight with malaysia's man
oh ya, my father's bro is a chef doing zu3 cao3..
food is superb man..
we went out to have bah kut teh in the morning yest in malaysia
it was also super super superb!!!!!!
dun think i can find any bahkuteh in spore that can beat tt man
wah seh

it's sad, isn't it?
that fellow relatives are having conflicts with each other
they are fellow siblings man..
u noe when i go to the wedding, i dun even noe who're my cousins man
it's only until when i noe who're the sons and daughters of my uncles and aunties.. haha
so i was like trying to memorise their faces that day man.. had some chat too.. haha..

seen my grandma too.. grandpa has passed away..
so she's alone now..
staying up at dunno which of my uncle's house
she seems to be tossed around her sons
whom dun wanna let her stay at their places..
i chatted with her too..
she's all smiles, so happy to be at the wedding, where she can have alot of ppl to chat with.. haha..
she smiles and told me, nobody wants ah ma, u muz be a filial boy ok..
i dun noe wad to say.. juz smile back and hold her hand..
my heart felt like it's contracted..

during the course of the dinner, ahma went ard and ask my cousins when are they going to get married..
hahaha.. cuz she said she likes to eat..
i think it's more like she wanna have this kind of company and joy instead...
my mum suddenly look at me and say, can wait for me.. wth!!
i was like huh? everybody was like laughing lahx.. hahhaa
ahma still tell me to rmbr to invite her sia..
and said she has a super long life, so can attend my wedding dinner.. hahaha..
alot of my uncles, aunties and cousins ask me whether i have galfren anot.. dun have lahx.. hahaha..freak man..
oh ya.. and i drank martell that day.. but only abit.. hahaha..

i dunno man.. this time, the trip to malaysia seems to be diff from my past visits..
perhaps it's aging symptoms..
the eyes of my heart open to see many things, i've never deem be4
i think it's been a few years since i went malaysia cuz of my camps and packed schedules..
i see my relatives, they've been aging man.. haha..

2005-11-25T22:00:00.000+08:00

this is one cool part abt humans
we have feelings
u love it or hate it
u cld even love and hate it

this is messing up my head
ya.. though i'm keeping my cool..
but things are really twisting inside man..
enjoy the fun and the pain

2005-11-25T11:31:00.000+08:00

sweetness, joy, disappointment
are the words tt describe today..
almost!
u tell me, another day ya?
ya! too bad u have something on..
mutual?
my heart fell and jumped..
ah freak man..

2005-11-24T21:17:00.000+08:00

perhaps things will not turn out well
perhaps it'll not become wad i'm expecting
perhaps it's juz some wishful thinking of mine
perhaps it's impossible
perhaps it'll be a total screwup
perhaps i'm juz a born failure
perhaps i'm jinxed
perhaps when i'm down, i'll never get up again

BUT.. perhaps all these will not happen!
get it peeps? dun need me to spell it all out to u rite?
u guys are intellectuals.. hahaha..

2005-11-23T20:17:00.000+08:00

hmm.. juz watched harry potter.. quite nice.. the only thing is that, they changed the plot! haha.. so different man.. yup, went out with my sas buddies today at bugis, after watching the movie, we went to the arcade to play datona.. haven been playing for a super long time man.. played until quite violent, cuz we were like trying to cause each other to bang and fly.. haha.. tt's abt it man..

man.. a sudden increase of free time means that i've gotta keep finding things to do.. haha.. i'm now into astrology and astronomy.. going to lib and doing abit of reading.. the universe is juz so big and fascinating.. it's juz beyond human wisdom to try understand all these things.. and i've juz borrowed 'order of phoenix' from my fren to continue the harry potter saga.. hahaha..

to ppl enjoying the hols now.. wish u guys have a fruitful holiday yeah? haha..

2005-11-22T18:26:00.000+08:00

learn to stand aside and observe
observe wad u've done..
learn to overcome the burden of the human flesh
do not be tied by the shackles of emotions
especially anger and hatred
for these yield only blight in ur soul
cool yeah?

2005-11-16T18:23:00.000+08:00

it's gonna be over...

this fri is my last paper, chem paper one!

haha... then got lotsa things to do..
cuz gotta go army le.. so muz try to do as much things as possible

'live as if u'll die tmr, dream as if u'll live forever'

quote of the day.. haha

2005-11-15T14:49:00.000+08:00

when i'm in the crowd
my eyes wander
where're ya man?
alas, i've found u

smilez..
and my god..
my knees go wobbly, i'm melting man..
are ur eyes telling me something?

man.. i'm into this guessing game again?
loving the joy and the pain..

2005-11-11T14:10:00.000+08:00

aaahhhhhh.....
it's gonna be over soon...
it's gonna be over soon...
it's gonna be over soon...
it's gonna be over soon...
it's gonna be over soon...
it's gonna be over soon...
it's gonna be over soon...

I mean the exams.. haha..
let me not be discouraged by some shit papers man..
u guys dun be discouraged too.. it's gonna be over..
and pia for this last lap man..
turn frustation into ur energy..
haha..

I'm crazy.. juz wanna say something..
i'm pro-life and i think politics are full of shit..
and now i'm a shit studying shits...

peace be with us..

2005-11-08T10:38:00.000+08:00

the flesh is weak
but the spirit is strong
what is human effort as compared to the power of the holy spirit
as u receive his spirit, why still persist in the flesh?
therefore give urself to the lord
and let him display his power through you and to glorify his name

God bless u guys man..

2005-10-31T11:07:00.000+08:00

my gosh.. these days.. i've always been out in the morning and back in the morning.. in the sense.. out from 10am, back home at 1 to 2 am.. haha..

yesterday, i was celebrating 2 old buddies bday man.. ate at Han's.. haha.. the food there is really nothing special man.. only thing special is the price.. real stupid.. it's juz like another kinda foodcourt which acts high class lahx.. freak man..

as usual, we tok cock tok cock.. after that went to play arcade and a round of pool.. then we went to play LAN! it's been a long time since we touch this kinda things man.. haha.. played cs, then play warcraft.. warcraft got lotsa stupid kinda maps.. can really vomit blood..

feel really blessed to have such true and close friends man.. it's already been so many years but we are still as close.. hahaha.. we dun go through shits for nothing yeah? gone thru think and thin together and brave through fire together sia.. hahahhaa.. am i being too dramatic?

ya.. then we went home.. took nel with danny and wei chong, whereas teck ching and jerome went of by the north south line.. alighted at potong pasir(st andrew's land.. haha..) with wei chong and chat with him for a super long time.. i think we chat till 1am? then i prayed for him for his studies.. let us all pia for the final lap yeah? have faith man..

2005-10-28T18:44:00.000+08:00

when i was young.. i'm quite screwed up..
only noe how to settle things with fists..
think i had abit of an overdose of power rangers or something..
i watched alot of kung fu shows too..
and sometimes, in my kinda fantasy..
i wld juz practise some kinda kungfu moves in the living room
i wld sometimes ask my bro and sis to spar with me..
thinking abt the past sure makes me laugh man..
come to think of it, i really dunno what the hell i'm doing last time

i think alot of my relatives have prejudice towards me last time..
cuz i wun call them(in the sense uncles and aunties in chinese)
tt's wad my parents say..
i serously can't remember a single shit abt the past
they said i'm imbecile(they all talk in chinese)
haha.. wtf..
i guess i din even care wad they say abt me
tt's y i dun even noe that they looked at me as some shit last time
only when i'm older, like in upper primary or something?
my dad wld tell me abt the past
then i was like.. wad the fuck?
haha..

y are ppl be so judgemental?
dun they noe tt they, themselves, have flaws too?
we are all sinners, and how dare we judge!
it's sad, u noe..
seeing ppl with eyes which spot only dirt..
unable to fathom the beauty tt lies within

kkz.. back to my childhood..
u noe wad? i started to vulgarities since kindergarten
got 3 complaints in primary 1
4 complaints in primary 2
3 complaints in primary 3
after tt, no more.. hahaha..
all the complaints are related to discipline probs i think..
like talkative lahx, fighting lahx..
same routine happens everytime..
get pulled at the ear to see the teacher..
then get pulled again back home..
then tada!! the taste of rotan! hahaha..

felt damn funny when i tot abt my fights in sch last time..
it's not because i'm a bully ok..
it's juz tt, whenever something is not right, and i get really pissed, the first thing tt comes to my mind is violence..
i also remember how i used to flaunt my wide vulgarcabulary
all the funny vulgar rhymes.. hahaha..

kkz.. enuf for today... juz wanna write things abt the past in this cock blog of mine.. some records so tt i wun forget? losing memory is such a terrible thing man.. like dementia in old age? u will forget ur loved ones.. real sad.. so i recommend u reading the book by nicholas sparks, The Notebook.

2005-10-26T15:54:00.000+08:00

Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has strife? Who has complaints? Who has needless bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes? Those who linger over wine, who go to sample bowls of mixed wine. Do not gaze at wine when it is red, when it sparkles in the cup, when it goes down smoothly! In the end it bites like a snake and poisons like a viper. Your eyes will see strange sights and your mind imagine confusing things. You will be like one sleeping on the high seas, lying on top of the rigging. "They hit me," you will say, "but I'm not hurt! They beat me, but I don't feel it! When will I wake up so I can find another drink?"

Proverbs 23:29-35

yes people.. drinking is not good.. or say, alcohol abuse is not good.. roger? and ya.. i'm not an alcoholic okay? hahaha..

2005-10-22T17:19:00.000+08:00

juz wanna say that the sky was very nice last night..
exceptionally lotsa stars man..
and there's a super bright star lahx..
think that cluster of stars actually makes a constellation..
shall learn abt these constellations after As man..
so cool.. haha
i was like walking home last night at ard 2am..
sky was a bit of bright man..
with shades of orange and blue
is that sweet and beautiful or wad?

2005-10-21T08:48:00.000+08:00

hohoho.. i dunno wad's up man.. but i jogged in the morning yesterday morning! hahaha..
all right.. then i was having some serious intensive studying in mac at night.. studying FOOD CHEMISTRY!!
freak man.. really need to memorise alot of things.. was really really saturated after only studying half the notes.. especially the food storage part.. need to know how to describe the diff stupid processes.. so many lahx!!

finished studying yest at 1 am.. then i met an old fren man.. haha.. then went to eat prata with him.. really nice to meet an old fren and tok cock abt life.. haha.. yup.. really missed sas man.. haha.. then as usual, any sas old boy would have talked abt how the discipline in sas now sux big time man.. wahahaha.. at the same time, talking abt how nice is SAV.. the swimming pool, the new sajc site.. oh my god.. i think the new sajc site is really gonna be a smasher man!!!!! the gallery is so nice lahx...

missed the times when i had my sec sch life in that site.. haha.. so cool lahx.. playing all the hide and seek overnight there.. lotsa memories... ok.. i'm now planning to hike from my place in kallang bahru to concourse in beach road now.. haha.. and i'm gonna pack my bag to a certain weight.. wahahhaa.. am i crazy? juz wanna work out somehow all right? hahaha.. bye man...

2005-10-17T17:03:00.000+08:00

uploaded a few photos..
feel free to click on the links under the 'photos' category to see them..
add comments if u want..
haha..
peace~

2005-10-16T14:49:00.000+08:00

it's god's will man
He will do what's best for me
and i noe it
the one he'll send to me i'll love..

2005-10-13T19:57:00.000+08:00

today is my last day of school
went late for the farewell assembly..
haha.. damn pai sei..
real sorry man..
cuz i watched england match yesterday frm 0245 till 5
futhermore, i drank a bottle of heinekein
think my alarm was ringing for like an hour?
hahaha.. stupid..

today is quite a nice day..
full of sweetness i think.. haha
there're gifts frm classmates and teachers..
phototaking with ppl (real honoured to be asked to take with them man..)
hahaha..
quite sad to leave this phase of life.. cuz after this, we'll be entering a harsher phase.. not very fun, not very friendly, not very lovely.. freak shit man..

anyway.. god bless everyone!

talked abt gp for super long with mr lim today..
real cool.. haha.. learned quite a few number of things..
then went to eat with yenmei and chat alot.. haha.. funny sia..
kkz.. then went home and sleep..
planned to wake up at 5.. but in the end woke up at seven..
wad the heck man.. really too tired..

2005-10-09T08:16:00.000+08:00

the day breaks and the routine will continue
i woke up with hazy eyes
lying there...
wanting to be back into that world
where anything can be possible again
but i can't
as the sunlight is like magic which block this realm
i juz have to get up and start my day
out the window, i see the still river, the birds, and old couples strolling in the park
the chirping of the birds and rustle of leaves invigorate my senses
so peaceful and tranquil..

then i just let my mind wander
thinking about the sweet times i had with u
a faint smile on my face
and afterwards a blank face
u left and have never come back since
u left and had taken a part of me
my mind is spinning and i thought of how to get back to you
you are in my prayers every now and then

i tot there's nothing between us
but since we stopped going out, i can feel the emptiness inside me
and that is when i know
i've fallen deep in love with u
after the painful feb
i tried to forget u
but i just can't
u are often in my dreams
and on my mind
when i close my eyes, ur image is the first to appear
ur beauty and strength of character captivates my soul

i dun believe all those times mean nothing
when we see each other with a sense of familiarity
it's like we've met in our past lives
we got so close so soon and we sense the happiness between us
but i'm a fool to realise that so late
then u went with another guy

i continue my day as a dreamer
pack my bagpack and roam ard the city
study at a quiet spot and also thinking about u at the same time
life is made up of many lives as we live a life a day
i live my life with u in my heart and hope i can hold u soon

2005-10-05T17:38:00.000+08:00

haha.. forgot to mention abt the happening on last fri where i met my fren, mr moon.. we played dai di and drank bloody martell till i became red like guan gong.. and our dear fren, feng he, was super duper seh.. haha.. i had to walk him some distance to his house.. wtf.. hahaha..

2005-10-03T20:45:00.000+08:00

how are u? fine? any prob?
these are the things that i really wanna noe
but i have so little chances to be near u
i want to be the one who's always there for u
but no chance man.. no chance..
pathetic..

i wanna be ur lover, not ur bro or juz a friend
a part of me is already with u..
you are my only one
who can make my life complete

dun undermine my love, i hope..
my love is true and will not waver unless u reject me
i hope u'll feel the same towards me too

2005-10-02T09:09:00.000+08:00

Reflect on your actions...
Reflect on your thoughts...
Reflect on your reflections...

2005-09-29T21:10:00.000+08:00

I've finally got back all my results.. Same as usual.. sure sux big time man..

haix.. but one thing is true - that i'm getting a hang of it.. This is the diff between the past and the present: this time, my results sux big time cuz i got alot of careless mistakes and my condition is really not stable enuf to sit for the exam man.. so i gotta train on more papers.. In contrast, my results sux in the past cuz i really dunno shit..

That's so much for some optimism abt this damn prelims, but the most of it is made up of fear and paranoia tt freak me out big time man.. The shit product i get from my input means i gotta work harder now.. hahaha.. is tt meant to be a pun or wad?

Around a month more before my future is in Cambridge's hands.. The hands that determine whether I'm gonna march in damn army or I'm gonna study further.. haha.. But ultimately, it's in God's hands.. Gotta have faith man, u guys reading my blog roger tt? Doubt anyone wld be reading my blog man.. cuz of the negative thingy i've put in my blog which made it so dull.. and also maybe because everybody is mugging right now!! haha.. gotcha man..

This kinda education system sure is stressful man.. the society that we are living in is so stressful too.. The stress are getting a hang of so many people that it cause people to live life for the wrong purpose.. Work, studies, money, politics and wadeva u can think of.... are the very things that blind us from the way of truth.. People live life with respect to the above stated, ignoring the very purpose of life..

So... you may ask.. wad's the REAL purpose of living? Shameful to admit.. that I, myself, am not very clear too.. but i know one thing for sure: the reason to our existence in earth sure gotta do with God! Everything revolves around the Creator.. and that, at least, is a truth to me.. the Creator is the root answer to many questions that people have..

have any queries, pls feel free to ask the Big Guy up there who knows everything.. hahaha..

kkz.. enuf of crapping here man (not totally crap lahx.. still got sense right?)..

2005-09-23T22:38:00.000+08:00

Found something this cool somewhere:

There are many things that we can do to perk up and strengthen our interpersonal relationships.Yet the most effective involves the saying of just 3 words. When spoken or conveyed, these statement shave the power to forge new friendships, deepen old ones and restore relationships that have cooled. The following three-word phrases can enrich every relationship.

I'II BE THERE:
If you have ever had to call afriend in the middle of the night, to take a sick child to a hospital, or when your car has broken down some miles from home, you will know how good it feels to hear the phrase "I'll be there." Being there for another person is the greatest gift we can give. When we are truly present for other people, important things happen to them and us. We are renewed in love and friendship. We are restored emotionally and spiritually. Being there is at the very core of civility.

I MISS YOU:
Perhaps more marriages could be saved and strengthened if couples simply and sincerely said to each other "I miss you." This powerful affirmation tells partners they are wanted, needed, desired and loved. Consider how ecstatic you would feel, if you received an unexpected phone call from your spouse in the middle of your workday, just to say "I miss you."

I RESPECT YOU:
Respect is another way of showing love. Respect conveys the feeling that another person is a true equal. If you talk to your children as if they were adults you will strengthen the bonds and become close friends.This applies to all inter-personal relationships.

MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT:
This phrase is highly effective in diffusing an argument and restoring frayed emotions. The flip side to "maybe you'reright" is the humility of admitting, "Maybe I'm wrong". Let's face it. When you have a heated argument with someone, all you do is cement the other person's point of view. They, or you, will not change their stance and you run the risk of seriously damaging the relationship between you. Saying "maybe you're right" can open the door to further explore the subject, in which you may then have the opportunity to get your view across in a more rational manner.

PLEASE FORGIVE ME:
Many broken relationships could be restored and healed if people would admit their mistakes and ask for forgiveness. All of us are vulnerable to faults, foibles and failures. A man should never be ashamed to own up that he has been in the wrong, which is saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.

I THANK YOU:
Gratitude is an exquisite form of courtesy. People who enjoy the companionship of good, close friends are those who don't take daily courtesies for granted. They are quick to thank their friends for their many expressions of kindness. On the other hand, people whose circle of friends is severely constricted often do not have the attitude of gratitude.

COUNT ON ME:
A friend is one who walks in when others walk out. Loyalty is an essential ingredient for true friendship; it is the emotional glue that bonds people. Those that are rich in their relationships tend to be steady and true friends. When troubles come, a good friend is there indicating you can "count on me."

LET ME HELP:
The best of friends see a need and try to fill it. When they spot a hurt they do what they can to heal it. Without being asked, they pitch in and help.

I UNDERSTAND YOU:
People become closer and enjoy each other more if they feel the other person accepts and understands them. Letting your spouse know in so many little ways that you understand them, is one of the most powerful tools for healing your relationship. This applies to any relationship.

I LOVE YOU:
Perhaps the most important three words that you can say. Telling someone that you truly love them satisfies a person's deepest emotional needs; the need to belong, to feel appreciated and to be wanted. Your family, your friends and you, all need to hear those three little words. "I love you."

And how about "God Bless You?"

2005-09-22T22:32:00.000+08:00

the reality sure sux big time man..
u noe u love something and u volunteer to mould the future for it
u initiate, u help, u commit, u dedicate urself into it
for fruitfulness, for people

at the end of the day, ppl took u for granted.. maybe they shld but most probably they are absent-minded.. no appreciation whatsoever.. i'm not saying i do something because i expected something in return from them man.. but it's juz that, in the long run, u'll juz feel that ur work is not appreciated and u are juz the sort of cheap labour or something.. something that is being used.. yes, that's right.. and tht may be the truth.. then end up u are working for something tt u are not working for.. get it?

ya noe in the working world, u are juz being used over and over again till u are deemed as literally useless in some ways or another.. or cuz of some reasons that may compromise ur usefulness.. this kinda thoughts sure is dreadful man.. but u juz have to live with it.. i'm very conscious abt this.. gotta be man.. or else, u may not noe the things that u are doing are the rights things or not.. gotta be sharp and vigilant..

perhaps i'm being paranoid? nahx.. i dun think so.. think i'm becoming more manipulative instead.. there're so many hidden and dark things in the world.. the whole damn world is engulfed in this darkness.. leaders of the world who are SUPPOSED to be ppl of moral bearing are also engulfed by this darkness.. tt's y u nvr noe wad's really the real thing behind many issues..

u noe.. today, i suddenly thot abt y the govt kept on building so many transport facilities man.. when u seriously thot abt it, it can really lead to really many possibilities.. try reasoning it in the perspective of the dark side... ooooh.. haha.. then u will really be feeling damn cool..

all right man.. think we shld always keep an open mind be4 we judge at things and reach a conclusion.. things may be more than wad it seems to be.. or shld be ALWAYS more than wad it seems to be..

ermx.. actually wanna end off with tt.. but i wanna reveal another sad thing.. think it's cuz of the greed and cunning nature of mankind which leads to the truth abt the last sentence in the above para..

2005-09-18T09:26:00.000+08:00

AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!! PRELIMS ARE FINALLY OVER!!! FINALLY CAN ENJOY A DAMN BREAK....

Really damn tired man.. Exams are really a torture to health.. Fuck me upside down..

Think I'll not do well for all the subjects.. Maths shld be able to pass.. Chemistry paper 3 really screwed me up.. For fucking physics, I could only do paper1.. In other words physics really fuck me up, down, left, right, center... GP.. ermx.. as ungaugeable as ever.. To know how u do for GP beforehand is as good as fortune telling.. GP--- GAN PUA cb...

Past few days have been studying very late in bendemeer mac.. come to think of it, some days go there and study until pants drop also no use.. next day the paper so damn hard, might as well dun study and go home sleep... when i was going home late at night, saw damn alot of big fat fucking rats.. quite scary actually.. scared they will bite me and cause rabies.. damn cb.. got one day, got ard 3 or 4 rats roaming ard the ground.. the 2 cats ard also do nothing.. cb sia.. think the cats also scared to mao them cuz the rats quite big.. my dad told me tt be4.. hahaha.. damn jiao wei rite?

I think I seriously suck big time... Hope that the additional time to work till my pants drop will be enough to catch up the standard that I need to get.. Can't always feel like fuck the duck whenever i see a paper.. for ur information, fuck the duck means surprised, not that i wanna go fuck some animals..

have been staying at home and rot yesterday.. only went out of the house once for a meal.. came back 20 minutes later.. wow.. damn long nvr stay at home like tt le.. fell asleep dunno how many times yesterday.. living like a pig sure means some sort of happiness man.. no worries.. juz laze ard... feeling dreamy and everything.. yeah.. sleep and dream..

kkz.. enuf of crapping.. to all ppl, dun let this prelims get u down man.. gotta get up and fight again.. YEAHH!!! FIGHT AND FUCK IT!!!