Friday, November 19, 2004
so bored and stressed and fed up.. so much things to do... no time for myself and my friends.. i feel like shit.. maybe my expectations for myself are too high..
But guess i juz have to learn to take it as it comes man.. no choice.. juz gotta finish up this damn thing.. cannot give up halfway.. have to hope for the best.. and to prepare the worst... yah.. lotsa preparation and things to do to prevent the worst from happening..
errgghh.. gotta be strong.. gotta hang on.. gotta pull through.. this is a tough task for me to go through man.. is this a test from God? think so.. juz take it as a test.. gotta pass this damn test man.. lotsa stuffs to worry about.. getting dull.. energy is draining away from me.. can the fucker understand? i fucking doubt so.. so forget it.. maybe choose tmr to be my bloody break.. who can help to hold my heart? ermx.. forget it..
lotsa beating abt the bush down here man.. i have not specified anything.. this is the language of emotions.. if ya dun understand, juz find out urself.. complicated... fuck it.. i wanna be simple.. like those ubin ppl, 'kampong kids'. haha.. so carefree.. too bad my life have been influenced by complicated stuffs.. can't help it.. world evolves.. ppl always change yeah? feeling so empty though i have alot of things to fix.. at least got something to do lahx.. gotta be abit thankful/contented? questions for myself to solve..
spiritual emptiness? yesh.. shld be.. gotta find time for god.. 'no more excuses' -- a title of a christian book. i knew it, but i am not doing anything.. why? lack of confidence? lack of faith? shame? too involved in wordly stuffs? questions again.. gotta solve all these... gotta find peace... hmm.. is peace in the Lord?
i may have goals and aims.. direction for myself in the physical life.. but i still feel that i am lacked of sense of direction.. answer is linked to God again? spiritual development..
why am i so NATO? No Actions, Talk Only? on some things, i juz cannot make up my mind.. Gotta spend some time meditating.. where's a quiet place? a peaceful place? maybe it all depends on myself.. gotta find a quiet and peaceful place in myself spiritually.. time to spend some time for myself.. the sentence sounds farni.. haha.. spend some time being happy too?
fuck it..
